What To Wear To A Wedding

A Guide To Unraveling Wedding Guest Dress Codes

 As wedding planners, one of the most common questions we’re asked by couples, and their guests, is about wedding guest attire. What is the difference between black tie, white tie, formal, cocktail attire, and casual dress? What if you’re planning a themed wedding? It might seem like a minor detail in the grand scheme of wedding planning, but it’s important to understand each term, and take the time to inform and guide your guests to the right fashion choices. Let’s dive in, and unpack the different wedding guest dress codes and the appropriate setting for each.

White Tie

White tie is the epitome of formality and elegance. By white tie I want you to imagine Gatsby, or a royal affair.  It's the height of sophistication, and embellishment. What that looks like for men is a short waisted black jacket with tails, white pleated tuxedo shirt, and a beautiful white bow tie, highly polished black shoes. For Women it’s a highly embellished floor length evening gown. It can be any silhouette, ballgown, mermaid, or straight. But will be made from elegant fabrics such as silks or velvet, and embellished with sequins, feathers and luxurious details. Many people today just aren't comfortable with this formal style of dress. It's a very old world look and you’re unlikely to see this on an invitation today.

Black Tie

Black tie is much more common and you’ll see it on a much more regular basis. It's a step down from white tie, but still very formal. Black tie can sometimes confuse people. Men often ask if they need to wear a tuxedo. The answer to that is a resounding yes! Black tie for men will always mean a tuxedo. Tuxedo pants with a stripe going down the side, a tuxedo jacket where the lapel has a different fabrication than the rest of the suit, a white tuxedo shirt, black bow tie, or a thick wide satin black tie, and always a very high glossy shine tuxedo shoe. For women black tie will always mean long formal. Women’s dresses will be from specialty fabrics like satin, velvet or silk. And beautifully embellished, with lace, sequin, feather, applique, or the like. Black tie is the most formal that we see today being requested of guests.

Black Tie Optional

An alternative to black tie that we most commonly see today is black tie optional. This is a great option for couples who want a really elevated event, and worry that their guests may not come dressed up enough. Couples can use this dress code to clearly communicate to their guests that it is a formal event, without guests feeling like they have to go out and buy or rent a tuxedo. What this attire means is that women still need to wear a formal full length gown with an elevated fabrication, in a long silhouette. Men are greatly encouraged to wear a tuxedo with a bow tie, or black satin tie. If they don’t have, or aren’t comfortable with a tuxedo the only other appropriate attire for a black tie optional wedding is to wear a black suit, with a white or black shirt, and black or white tie. Absolutely avoid wearing a suit color other than black. This is really important. The uniformity of the  color black makes everything look consistent and elegant and prevents you from standing out in the couples photos in a way that pulls the focus away from the bride and groom. The groom may opt to wear a color post ceremony and this allows him to make his own fashion statement. This dress code, along with black tie, is ideal if you’re hosting your wedding at an upscale hotel, or a historic, or elevated venue.

Formal or Cocktail Attire

Formal, or cocktail attire, offers quite a bit more flexibility. Women can opt for long dresses or elegant cocktail dresses that come to the knee, or slightly above or below the knee. Even dressy pantsuits or separates are appropriate. You’ll see lighter fabrication and embellishment on women’s attire. Formal, or cocktail, is dressed up party attire. For men formal, or cocktail, attire opens the door to color. A blue, brown, or gray suit is appropriate. It allows for a sports coat, or mix matched sets. The key for both men and women is to maintain an upscale and polished appearance. This dress code is much less rigid and is a good fit if you are hosting at a country club, art gallery, vineyard, or many private venues.

Casual Attire

Casual attire leaves the most room for individual expression, but be clear with your guests if you don’t want people coming in jeans, t-shirts or shorts. Casual wedding attire typically means sundresses, skirts, slacks, chino’s, button down shirts in colors and or patterns without ties. This is a great dress code for outdoor events, barn venues, backyard weddings, and other more casual venues.

Themed Events

Themed events can be so much fun, but can also be the most confusing for guests to know what to wear. For themed events it’s really important to clearly define what you mean by the description given on the invitation. For example, if “holiday chic” means you would like guests in cocktail attire leaning into holiday themes and colors, clearly explain that. Or if “garden party” means sundresses and chino’s, be sure that is clear to your guests. It’s popular right now to ask your guests to come dressed in the color palette of the wedding for a monochromatic look. Be sure to provide your guests with a color sample to use as reference, along with the formality description of the desired attire. The key is to clearly communicate your expectations to your guests.

What is the best way to communicate to your guests what the dress code is for your wedding? Always include the expected dress code on the wedding invitation. We like to have our clients include the dress code for each wedding related event on their wedding website also, along with a written description as well as a collage of examples of appropriate dress. This is incredibly helpful for your guests to have a visual and they will genuinely appreciate it. Some couples feel awkward about telling their guests how they would like them to dress. But trust us when we say that your guests will thank you! First of all they are coming to support you, and want you to have the best day ever and your dream wedding. Secondly, put yourself in their shoes. Nobody wants to show up to an event and be either overdressed or underdressed, or not dressed appropriately in some way. Not only does a clearly defined dress code set the tone for your wedding, but it is the best thing you can do for your guests to help them feel comfortable and confident.